Love bombing then ghosting – Dating Narcissists 101 guide. How to spot the warning signs, and protect yourself from the abuse.
One day it’s all flowers and butterflies, the next day they delete your phone number? Love bombing than ghosting is more common than you think.
What is love bombing
Love bombing happens when someone overwhelms you with excessive communication, never-ending compliments, and over the top expensive gifts. This is a manipulative tactic used by narcissists to win your trust and affection, so they can control you, gain power and meet their twisted needs.
What is ghosting
Ghosting is when a person just disappears abruptly, cutting off contact without any warning or justification for doing so. There was no fight, no disagreement, no awkward moment in the past 5 days of knowing each other. Just silence.
Although ghosting is typically abrupt, it can also be a gradual process. The other person might start by ‘soft ghosting,’ for example, they disappear from social media, they bail out of plans, struggle to make commitments or they respond to some but not all of your text messages.
It’s important to note that If you have made repeated efforts to make contact and they won’t respond, it is a strong indicator that you’ve been ghosted.
3 Reasons Why People Ghost
Ghosting is often associated with people who are young and immature, or a passive aggressive response to an argument. Although both are true, it can also be a sign of emotional abuse. Here are some common reasons;
- It’s the easy option: The person wants to avoid conflict, deep conversations or have an uncomfortable conversation with you. It could also mean that they don’t want to hurt your feelings, and opts for a short term fix.
- Doesn’t want to take responsibility: With the world of online dating, sadly it’s now easier for someone not to take responsibility or have any manners. They may of met you, something didn’t click, and instead of cutting things off politely, they thought it would be easier to ghost you.
- They Found Someone Else – Another narcissistic tendency. When you are being ghosted, it’s more than likely they have moved onto their next victim. You must remember not to blame yourself, this is a common trait, and it most probably means you are too strong for them to be around. Narcs feed on vulnerability, and they will simply move onto their next victim and start the toxic cycle again, should you not adhere to their warped sense of reality or needs. It may not feel like it straight away, but honestly, you will thank your lucky stars they are gone!!
What is ghost bombing?
Ghost bombing is a mix of love bombing and ghosting someone. This means they will excessively contact you, shower you with over the top compliments, talk about your future together, tell you they love you and then suddenly disappear. This can happen after a week, 3 weeks or 3 months and it is often a massive shock. Narcissists are masters at manipulation, you were made to feel special, showered with expensive gifts, included in talks about future plans and then……. Nothing.
It’s important to know that all narcissists follow the same pattern, regardless if they are in a long or short term relationship. There are three phases to a narcissistic and toxic relationship; Idealise (love bombing), devalue, and discard (ghosting). Narcs are unable to love someone, they only care about themselves, protect their ego and disregard the needs of anybody else.
3 Reasons why people ghost bomb
- They are getting old – Time is ticking, and they are witnessing their friends and family get married and have babies, therefore, they rush into relationships. It’s key to remember narcissists are unable to love, therefore, when the honeymoon period finishes, they are done with love bombing, and perhaps you start to have disagreements or need to start compromising, they will find it easier to leave and go silent. Narcs have no interest in ‘fixing’ problems or compromising as all they care about is themselves, you were just a failed ‘means to an end’ therefore, walking away is the best option for them.
- They have no reason – Narcissists have an inflated sense of importance and entitlement, therefore, they feel that they don’t need a reason or provide an explanation, they also don’t care if you are hurt in the process.
- They enjoy hurting you – Sometimes the reason for ghost bombing is that the person is extremely insecure, doesn’t want serious things, and likes the idea of you wanting them. This gives them control and a sense of power, potentially something they lacked during childhood, growing up in a toxic family system.
- You are too strong – Narcs surround themselves with ‘followers’, people who feed their ego. If you don’t do what they say, people please, give them attention, or if you question their bad behaviour; then you simply don’t have a purpose in a narcissists life. The fact is, you never meant anything to them in the first place, you were just a tool, like everyone in their life. Therefore, ghosting you is easy for them.
Conclusion
It’s important to remember that none of this is your fault, it’s nothing to do with your personality, your worth, or anything you did. It’s simply that you were unfortunate enough to come across a narcissist. Narcs will do everything to protect their ego, and put themselves first. They lacked the courage to do what was right and tell you why they were no longer able to be in a relationship with you, but do you blame them? Narcissists are hugely insecure people and live in a false sense reality.
Ever heard of the saying ‘want what you can’t have?’ This couldn’t be further from the truth when it comes to narcissism.
What to avoid: Initially, yes you might want to chase them, people please them, question them, however, it’s the absolute worst thing you can do. Narcissists thrive off attention and control, therefore, the abuse will ramp up and likely move onto gaslighting you.
If I were you, I would be thanking my lucky stars that they are no longer in your life. Don’t blame yourself, as it’s super common, but just accept they are narcissists, then learn and grow from the experience. Here is another article If you want to understand more about narcissists and the warning signs.