Narcissists can appear extremely charming, caring, overly-loving and engaged at first, but the truth is it’s a mask for their deep insecurity, lack of self-esteem and twisted sense of reality. This is why they feel the need to put on a facade.
Narcs crave significant amounts of validation, admiration and attention from those around them; for them to get their narcissistic supply, they have the ability to maintain a facade of charm, perfection and superiority for a length of time. While they are expert manipulators, they can only hold this facade for so long until the cracks start to appear, but by then it’s likely their victim is caught in their vicious web of lies.
Here we will explore the truth behind the narcissistic mask.
What Is The Vulnerable Facade
Despite having seemingly strong personalities, narcissists are actually very fragile. They suffer from a lack of self-love, emptiness, control and isolation. Due to their vulnerability and impaired ego, they develop toxic coping mechanisms, therefore inflicting fear, shame, guilt, control and abuse toward those around them to gain power.
8 Common Examples
Living in their own fantasy world
Maintaining a fantasy world of distortion is very common amongst narcissism, by disconnecting from the reality, the narc can believe they are the most special, talented, rich and powerful person, feeling the ultimate control and ‘confidence’.
Narcissistic Defence
Typical defence mechanisms range from extreme denial, projection, aggression and jealousy. All are used to deflect any negative feedback or criticism that could damage their ‘false and perfect image to the outside world.
Silence, sarcasm, weaponising kindness, and avoidance are all techniques used by narcissists who are passive-aggressive. A narc tends to use this tactic to deflect insecurities onto others, or feelings of humiliation and jealousy.
Shame
This is the reason why narcissists are incapable of accepting criticism. They demand unconditional love from those around them to validate their fragile ego.
Arrogance
Passive-aggression
Narcissists are severely insecure, and often resort to found to bully others to make themselves feel better about their insecurities.
Grandiosity
This is when a narcissist portrays themselves as successful, rich, the most talented, smartest and most special than anyone else alive. They believe they are better than others, and will always gravitate toward those they believe have a high status; while they hate the person with a ‘higher status’ this also helps them feel as though they are more superior to others.
Entitlement
Inner shame, insecurity, jealousy, and resentment are all hidden behind their entitlement facade. They’ve convinced themselves they are far more superior, and no matter how they behave, they are entitled to what they want. Regardless if this hurts someone else or disrespects the boundaries of others.
Lack of boundaries
Put simply, a narcissist doesn’t see or respect people for who they are. Those around a narcissist are an extension of themselves, and only exist to serve their needs. Disrespecting healthy boundaries is common amongst narcs, it gives them the opportunity to see how far they can push you and take advantage. Overstepping boundaries will fill them with enjoyment as it gives them a twisted sense of power and control.
Why do Narcissists put on a Facade?
Narcissists put on a facade to mask their true inner feelings. This emotional mask tactic can be confusing for empathetic associates of a narcissist. Narcissists pray on empaths because typically they provide the narc with supply and can usually be easily manipulated in to ‘following’ the narcissist. Such manipulation tactics used by narcissists are love bombing and gaslighting.
These facades are used to create the illusion the narcissist is in control, powerful and is a ‘larger than life’ character. In truth, they are troubled and not comfortable facing the reality of life. A more balanced individual will try to work on threats, vulnerabilities and be open to themselves about challenges in life. This can lead to a more healthy and successful life in the long term, as they can grow and develop as people using challenges to develop and build true strong relationships along the way.
A narcissist will prefer to just make up a story in their mind that they are already more superior than most, to hide the threat or challenge. This can yield success for some in the short term, but typically this approach can run out of steam in time, when the narcissist simply runs out of ‘places to hide’. Personal development can be slim to none, and relationships begin to sour due to lacking boundaries and always having to be ‘superior’ without even trying. This is because the narc dismisses every sign to work harder at a challenge or relationship – they simply just ignore it due to their facade such as ‘Grandiosity’ or ‘Entitlement’. This is why it is very typical to see a narcissists web of ‘success’ unravel or dark secrets appear after periods of time.